I have decided to reopen my erotica blog. It has been a long time since I posted anything (6 months). This post is intended to do no more than to advertise my presence back on-line and my desire to reconnect and form/reform a new/old circle of friends.
I never intended to shut down my blog, but I have to admit it was a relief to stop writing. Writing is incurably time-consuming and was leading me to remember things in my past that have long retreated from my view. As an adult I’ve patched things over as is proper. New things requiring attention have advanced into the foreground and others in the past have faded in color. My writing was most successful when I inspected old scars and remember how I had bled. Some mouths are sadder than others. Waking up old memories can be painful.
I do regret not nurturing more fully my interest in erotica, this new and fantastical reality. Until I read and started writing erotic did I become aware I was traveling for years down a long suffocating passageway. Erotica was a remedy, balm for my chapped soul. Erotica gave me a way to emerge in a new open space. Still I found myself hiding in forests and wild thickets and again for the last six months I paced, hid away new feelings too complex and I retreated to confines of my daily life. There is a stillness this blog creates for me. I take refuge in it, in these words. I aspire for much, but the mass of the internal repressive self can be a heavy burden.
I am grounded again for now, below ground, walking the catacombs, which has brought me here. The suffocation and the overwhelming variety of the situations I find myself in, and the unreasonableness of those demands, are stones around my neck. I do not want to fill this wide space with words that do not mean lot to me. It takes time and energy.
It could be I will wake tomorrow with the thought that if I don’t ever start writing anything again, then I don’t have to ever worry about stopping again.