Welcome Deep Thinkers, Authors & Readers

Much of the content on this blog is only for 18 and over.

Newtown, Connecticut

My little warrior, Newton, ConnecticutNewtown, Connecticut
(a poem for my son)

You cannot promise anyone anything.
I promised my son just last night
I would always be there forever
to protect him,
to keep him always safe,
to make sure nothing bad
would ever happen to him.
I pulled his blankets up around him
and told him what a good boy he was,
and how much his daddy loved him.

O God. You were such a perfect son.
My anger thumps like a shaking fist.

I want to hug you
and fall into the grave with you.
I want to hold you
as you cry in my arms,
as dirt falls on us.
Do not be afraid.
I will keep you safe.
I am here to protect you and keep you safe.
You are a good boy.
Daddy loves you very, very much.
Daddy keeps all his promises.

I know you need to feel love.
All I feel is anger
You are my little warrior.
You were so brave,
in those minutes
that passed
while your friends were being shot,
knowing your turn could be coming.
The silence between the gunshots
filled with the rage of angels.

I am sorry I did not keep my promise.
I am sure you were looking for me
to come and save you from dying.
I can picture your eyes.
Those eyes that looked up at me
the day you were born.

I am standing in the backyard
looking at your toys.
All those thing I want to say to you.
I just want us all, you and mom and me.
Gathered around the table again for supper.
I tell myself not to cry.

Lift up your head daddy
do not cry.
Remember the way things were
before I was broken.

Someday I will build a monument to you
So I never forget what blind hate stole from me.
Someday I will come to you my good little boy.
We are all but dust particles and water in sunlight.
Nothing else lies between us now.
Not time. Not space. Nothing, but the thinking.

The soul of my soul is sorry.
I am so sorry you and your classmates died.

I keep writing these sentences wondering
if the words are wilting,
because there is nothing that can be said
under the weight.
I will sit here for a moment longer

I had just come back from Christmas shopping,
when I first heard the news.
I felt guilty and folded in on myself
as I began to understand what happened.
It could have been my boy.
He is such a good boy.
His daddy loves him very, very much.

by Rowen Starr,

December 16, 2012

Note:  My son is ok. This work only attempts to describe the indescribable horror being experienced by the parents.


Single Post Navigation

5 thoughts on “Newtown, Connecticut

  1. Thanks for sharing a father’s perspective and thoughts Rowen

  2. Teddy, I really appreciate your comment. I’ve felt alone with this grief. I think it has affected me deeply because I know that parent-child love.

  3. Rowen,
    I am sorry for what your child went through. I too, tried to assure my son (who wasn’t anywhere near this event) that I would have done everything that I possibly could to protect him. Trying to understand this myself, let alone explaining it to a 6-year-old is very trying in and of itself. The poem that Teddy put on his blog was beautiful which led me to yours. Thank yor for sharing your feelings and perspective. You are not alone in your grief. America is grieving with you all and prayers are going out frequently! With the atrocity of this event can come some good to the world. We WILL hug a kids a little more and PRAY every day before they go to school, before they go out, before they go to bed. We all WILL pray MORE which is what this crazy world needs right now and in the days to come. We will all come together against satan’s attacks, for one another and we can defeat him with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ! My heart and prayers are going out to you all! Please let me know if there is ANYTHING that I can do otherwise!

    • Thank you so very much for your comments. The shooting has left the edges of my soul feeling frayed and many tears have been shed. These really perfect days in the lead up to Christmas have been filled more with grief than happiness. What has happened has triggered something deep within in me. It is hard to predict how something can affect and change you. We are all still growing and learning in unpredictable ways and everything we experience changes the story we are. Thank you again for your truly heartfelt comments.

      • I just wish there was more I can do for you in this time. Just know that God is with us. On my facebook, someone posted a T-shirt with the words “Dear God, Why do you allow so much violence in our schools? Signed A concerned student. Dear Concerned Student, I am not allowed in your schools. Signed, God. We really need to bring God back into our schools and our society. The anguish I felt dropping my son off at school today is nothing compared to what you are feeling or going through. Just know you are not alone and have many prayers going out to all of you. God has the power to heal your heart and soul, even in times that it may not feel like it. However, my child has not been through this (nor have I). Satan works in wicked ways to make you question God in times such as this. Understandably so! That is his ultimate plan to pull us farther away from God. I am seeking God for answers and praying diligently for our entire nation during this time and refuse to allow Satan to win in this way. Again, I am sorry I can do nothing more than pray for you and your family during this time. I am here if you need me and my Pastor is awesome to talk to and even though we are far away, I know he’d be open to helping you through this time. I will keep a check in on your blog. Just know you are not alone! This is the time where God will carry you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: